THE MECHANICAL MUSEUM: Strange and Terrifying Arcade Games from a Bygone Era

Pier 45, San Francisco, CA 94133

Ok-- I get it, San Francisco's bustling hellhole known as Fisherman's Wharf is a cesspool of tourists, crowds and unlikeables. But amongst the overpriced dining options, barking seals and this guy lies something unique and somewhat special: Musee Mecanique, aka The Mechanical Museum.

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What exactly does a mechanical museum have to offer the world? Unlike the Natural History or Art Museum, the contents inside aren't quite as clear cut or for the masses. What you do have, housed amongst the walls of a fairly spacious building, is one of the largest collections of antique arcade machines and mechanically operated musical instruments ever compiled. We're talking a couple hundred, all in fairly good condition and fully ready to perform (and freak you out) for a single quarter.

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But Mortal Kombat or Donkey Kong these machines ain't. Most of the games are relics from the wayyyyy back past, and they're all pretty bizarre and, at times, downright disturbing. However, all of them are incredibly simple to "play"-- which is a word I use lightly because I'm not sure playing a game means putting a quarter in and watching a puppet dance for 30 seconds. The museum is more of a pay to watch quick little vignette kind of place, which is actually (almost) worth the money given how surreal most of the games are.

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25 cents to sit and watch a fat guy laugh? Yep, sign me up.

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25 cents to see a A MAN EXECUTED! Here's all of my money.

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Games from a different era, indeed.

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Somewhere in the back is the musical instruments from back in the day portion of the museum. Similar in concept to their gaming counterparts, the instruments give you self playing tunes instead of creepy animatronic movements.

If a ghost piano playing a diddy from the 1930s is your thing, then you're in for quite a treat.

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Also, another thing to note is that the place is loud as hell. Couple the crowds (which there are plenty of), the music + the fact that most machines barf out random auditory screams/shrieks at any given moment and you've got an experience that sounds like an arcade mashed up with a haunted house. And nobody is louder than this lass, who also serves as one of the museum's most prized specimens: Laffing Sal.

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A National treasure, Sal was a beloved funhouse attraction that ran rampant during the early 20th century. An audio-animatronic that looks creepy and laughs-- then laughs some more, before continuing to laugh again-- Sal is in pretty high demand these days due to her scarcity. In fact, the one they have housed at the Santa Cruz pier apparently cost the bidder 50k! So Sal aint cheap, or easy to come by, and here she is in all her glory, laughing away like a fucking maniac.

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100% nightmare fuel.

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Walking the grounds is free, but using any machine obviously costs money. However, none of that matters as wandering around, and witnessing how strange the gaming world once was, is certainly enough of an experience to keep me coming back.

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HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN?

At the turn of the 20th century, owner/curator Ed Zelinsky started this madness when he began collecting old arcade machines at age 11. After the collection grew out of control, the idea of housing it all within a public museum was born

The museum moved around quite a bit before finding its place amongst the pricey seafood and tourists of Pier 45. First stop was as an exhibit in SF's famed amusement park Playland in 1920, which made it the talk of the town. After being forced to move, the museum opened in the basement of SF's Cliff house, before being moved to a recreation area for a few decades. Then, in 2002, she'd finally settle into her current home at Fisherman's Wharf. Like the games themselves, she's well traveled.

Ed's son Dave now runs the business, claiming: "To the generation before, these were the video games. Many visitors haven't been here since childhood, but when they walk through that door, they are going back in time." Couldn't have said it better.